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How to Find a Mentor

Updated: Mar 6, 2021

By: Bianca Rae, Spectrum News LA Anchor, Bianca Rae Foundation Founder

I once heard someone compare mentors in life to bowling bumpers, and I remember being intrigued. I’m not a great bowler and I need bumpers (and even then, I may still accidentally cross that line and slip). It’s these bumpers that keep my ball on track, out of the gutter, and down the lane to the goal: a strike!

In life, I too have been blessed by these “bumpers” -- people who have kept me on track. These bumpers have come in the form of my parents, my big sister, older girlfriends acting like big sisters, teachers, or others I’ve met along the way who saw something in me and took me in under their wing. When I really think about it, I’ve actually had a lot of mentors in my life. And while I do give myself credit for my hard work, I absolutely believe the success I’ve had in my life is because of the guidance I have received. That’s why I feel so strongly about every child having that same guidance. Though not everyone may have this support system at home, there are SO many people out there who want to be your mentor.

Why is having a mentor so important? Well here’s the hard truth: hard work alone is not enough. You also need opportunity. One of my favorite quotes is by author and motivational speaker Zig Zigler, “Success occurs when opportunity meets preparation.” Here’s what you need to know about hard work: YOU control how hard you work, how much you prepare. You can find your passion (something you’re good at and enjoy), and you can keep working to be even better at it. And here’s what you need to know about opportunity: the opportunities that you get in life -- or don’t get -- will depend on the people you surround yourself with and the situations you get yourself in. While you’re busy working hard and preparing, having a mentor will automatically help you get in better situations, and therefore have a better chance of getting opportunities.

Ok, so now we need to find you that mentor! Here are some tips on how to do that:

  1. IDENTIFY what makes a good mentor: A mentor is defined as "an experienced or trusted advisor". This is a person who already has qualities/success you want, and/or someone who can truly help you develop qualities and achieve successes you want. Hint: only take advice from someone who is in some sort of position you’d like to be in. Try as they might, friends your age often do not give the best advice. They are still learning themselves! Think about your goals in life: where you want to go to college, what kind of job you want, what kind of qualities you admire in a person. Someone who has similar qualities or experiences that you want would typically make a good mentor.

  2. ASK. I promise all of you that you have at least five people in your life right now who would give anything to be able to help you. Whether that’s a relative or a teacher at school, there are people whose mission in life is not just to help people, but specifically to help young people your age. It can be as simple as going up to a teacher you feel connected to after class and simply saying “would you be able to give me some guidance and mentor me a bit?” Out of all the careers and jobs in the world, teachers choose to work around kids because they have a calling to better kids’ lives. Your mentor may already be in your life; all you need to do is ask. Be brave and ask. So many of the kids I help and give advice to have simply emailed or Instagram-messaged me.

  3. BE BOLD about what you want to accomplish in life. Want to be a brain surgeon? Go to the moon? Be a famous news anchor? A lawyer? Great, great, great, and great. Say it, be intentional, own your dreams. The more specific you are with a mentor, the more they will be able to help you. Don’t be afraid to share your hopes and dreams. Sometimes if you say them out loud, you secretly trick your brain into holding yourself accountable to make them happen! If you feel confused and don’t know what your dreams and goals are yet, that is OK, too. Make two handwritten lists: one full of things you like and are interested in, and one full of things you’re good at. Notice anything on both lists? Focus in on that!

  4. SHOW DEDICATION. Chances are your mentor is someone who has a lot going on in their own life, but they care so much about your well-being and success that they make time to fit it all in. Because of that, it’s so important to show that you are serious about bettering yourself. People want to help people who want to help themselves. Showing up a few minutes early to a meeting with your mentor, or making sure you always follow through with things you say you are going to do will show them you are really dedicated to growth.


Organizations like Bianca Rae Foundation or Big Brothers Big Sisters can connect

you to people who can help you!

a. Bianca Rae Foundation: Looking for advice or need some guidance? Reach

out to us here at Bianca Rae Foundation at

b. Big Brothers Big Sisters: Did you know there’s something called Big Brothers

Big Sisters, and they pair you up with a mentor to be your “big bro” or “big sis”?

They will give you good guidance, even do fun activities with you in the

community! How cool is that! They actually just told me they have a long list of

mentors just waiting for kids like you!! So ask mom or dad or your trusted

guardian to sign you up! They can call (760) 568-3977 or go to this website to

learn more about Big Brothers Big Sisters and how they can connect you to a


Final thoughts.... I want to leave you all with a list of the best advice and wisdom I have

learned from mentors over the years. I know I am blessed to have had this guidance from them, so I want to pass it along to you.

-- You’re not a tree. If you’re in an unhappy situation, move.

-- Don’t “should” yourself. Remove the word should from your vocabulary.

-- As hard as it is to believe, it doesn’t matter what other people think of you. If you like who you are, you will be free.